keskiviikko 27. huhtikuuta 2016

Cat Talk.Mr. Cat-Man-Do and how to train a Human Animal.

Mandarine cat

I happen to have 4 cats and I don't this time refer to the famous 1960s Finnish male quartet Four Cats,but to the real meowing cat quartet ,out of which 2 are permanent cat residents and the other 2 occasional visitors,who pop in my cat food restaurant.
The resident cats are called Blacky Boy and Baby Girl also called "Bebe" Girl.
Blacky is a pit-black Indian and Bebe Girl a gray-stirped American Pixie-Bob by breed as addition to our multicultural Finnish-Filipino home.
In Manila I used to have 2 cats among 2 dogs plus six puppies. My Filipino cats were named Tiger and Miming.They were branded by our home folks as Catcals,an abreviation from Cat Calle i.e. Street cat.
Most Filipino cats are usually stray and I was told their ancestors thousands of years ago were Chinese.Asian cats differ from European and American cats by their intestines,which have elongated in course of time to accept any kind of street and alley food from dustbins to chinese and filipino gourmet food.
The other 2 visiting felines at my humble abode in Custom House are Tiger,another gray-striped American Pixie-Bob and a white unnamed cat with a black hairdo and tail of an unknown breed.
As it is commonly known cats usually stay in any household or frequent them as long as you serve them good food and treat them well,or else they will change residents..
It seems I have served and treated them well as they seem stay in our neighbourhood.
Cats are regal unlike dogs They look down to their human animals as superiors, as canines look up to them as their subjects...that's the difference..
My Cockney next-door neighbour Ted calls me Cat-Man-Do due to my be it!

In the following feline conversation of my cats by the kitchen floor food bowls one could understand more about cats' culinary life in our small sheltered flat. ...sheltered meaning our residence is designed for old or disabled people...including previously homeless cats:

--Our human animal is serving again this Felix chicken gravy mix....
--I'm getting fed up with this daily treat....where are the fresh chicken wings he usually chops with a cleaver for me!?
--He usually buys them from a Chinese Loo Fung grocery store and I really like Chinese food due to my inherited Asian innards...
--Once my human animal brought chicken wings from a Bengali halal butcher shop,but i disliked that meat,which had no blood in it...
--Even Tiger and that newly arrived white cat did not like halal chicken wings...
--Too dry and tough to chew..
--May be Middle Eastern cats are used to's not my type of meat..I like juicy meat!
Bebe Girl:
--I've got my own Gourmet chicken mix in my bowl..and cannot's purrr-fect for my taste and my shiny fur!
--You are such a kitten with kitten's milk teeth..that's why the human animal treats you with baby food....
--I'm a middle-aged cat,who needs real meat to survive...not this kind of mushy and processed chicken-mix!
--I caught last night out in the garden a fat field mouse and ate it with tail and everything..That was Yummy!
--Fresh from the garden!
--You don't understand anything about how good mouse meat is for your health..we cats are predators..we are designed to chase and kill,,
Bebe Girl:
--I do catch mice and birds,too!
--I'm wondering how you could catch anything,because of being overweight and lazy..all the time brushing the trousers of our human animal for more tidbits from the dining table.
--I don't usually eat their food except sometimes a bit of their Pringles crisps in sour cream...not whole crisps,but crushed in small pieces...because of my small mouth..
--Additionally your lazy habit is to sit in front of the garden door until the human animal will open the door for you..
--You are bloody lazy..I always use the open window  by the door..because I can jump and climb..
--I'm not lazy...I just have trained that human animal to open doors for me..he is my human doorman as well as my waiter..don't you know that!?
--And what comes to you and catching don't eat them,but bring them in to play with them until they expire of exhaustion and heart attack!
--That's have to kill them after you have softened their meat with a little foreplay by tossing them around with your paws on the sitting-room rug..
--And you have to eat it on the rug,too..
--It tastes much better on the rug..I don't know why!
Bebe Girl:
--I have brought in some mice and small birds to eat,but the human animal always takes away them from me and scolds me for playing with them inside..
--Then he tells me I have a strange gleam in my eyes...a predator's gleam..and not Bebe Girl's kind golden eyes..and gets mad at me!
--Well.. sometimes I cannot do anything about it when I catch them...It's my nature..but I can also trick this human animal by purring and rubbing to get anything I want..
--He is such a softy when I do it!
--Rule number one is.....Don't play with your live food too long...the meat starts to smell foul..I know it from experience..

Bebe Girl on the run
Tiger, the roving American Pixie-Bob comes into the kitchen.
He used the open sitting-room window.
--Well,well..the residents have finished eating already?
--Anything left for me?
--I just popped in to see what today's menu is..any Kentucky fried chicken wings?
--You think this is some kind of Kentucky Fry's or MacDonald's just to check on today's special offers!?
--I'm the King of the Alleys and eat anything I want..just popped in at next-door neighbour's and their cat bowl had only some kind of smelly British lamb chops in mint sauce...not my type of diet!
--I know your daily route how you steal food from some other places and your own human animal servant lives three blocks old male human animal in a wheelchair..and your name is not Tiger,but Chirpy..because you don't know how to meow..only chirp which is your Pixie-Bob breed language..kind of American southern state drawl...
--I'm a pure Cockney cat with a slight Indian accent...
--You are a Paki..not Indian..I know your previous female human animal in this same building..
--She fed you with Punjabi Massala Rice and hot and spicy curry chicken wings...that's why you became such a Fat Cat...for starters.
--Then one day a big yellow and green vehicle with blue blinking lights and green human animals took her away from her bed...and she never ever came back..
--You were sitting on her window sill for many moons after that when another human animal moved in the flat..
--He didn't like cats and shooed you away from that window sill with a broom-stick..and told you to go meowing somewhere f.....g else..don't know what he meant with that F-word..!?
--Then you looked for another human animal for food after you lost weight an shine in your fur...and here you are now...fat and shiny as your fur ball on the rug...
--Don't blame me for wandering around for food,because my old human animal affords to treat me with only tinned tuna fish in brine every day..!
--This place has the best chicken treat in town!
--Paw Licking Good!
--My survival skills..mate!
--I've got 3 square meals a day plus snacks any time I want!
--Look at you with your dull fur and rugged alley looks!
--Want to fight..Let's go out and do some pawing around..I bet you I'll bloated black Paki Cat!
--I;m too tired to fight with's gonna be soon my napping time in my cosy Ikea arm-chair..go and fight with with someone bigger than you!
--Don't try to call me Chicken...It won't work..I'm not any Marty McFly,who jumps up at every insult...
--I'm a cat of peace,who only eats chicken..